We are judged by those around us- judged by their actions, their mishaps, their wrongdoings. If the company we keep is powerful, famous, or strikingly beautiful- regardless of our connection to them- we are paired alongside them and labeled as puzzle pieces in their entourage or crew. A huge believer in the “less is more” concept (with everything except for shoes and clothes), I relish in my small, reliable and trustworthy circle of friends, specific couples or family members I am lucky enough to call my closest friends. A smaller circle is easier to uphold and to maintain; setting-up those monthly dates at great restaurants or concerts or “choosing” those with whom to share that European weekend getaway is that much easier when the circle is small and enclosed.
I had a knack for feigning how much I enjoyed the company of others. I did it for years. I “strove” to be popular, to be adored. I tried to gossip or chat with everyone about anything, hoping to be noticed, or simply, remembered. But, when I finally wrapped up the package that is Becca, I realized what a petty and dishonest game I was playing- both with myself and with others: I was confident in my close-knit, small circle and I cherished all the great times laughing hysterically on a double-date at a restaurant or bar, or giggling with a girlfriend in the dressing room during a shopping day.
Several years ago, I rather vanished from social life. Despite having a huge social presence in the digital realm, and despite attending get-togethers or Friday-night dinners, I was essentially a recluse. I had my own start-up and I worked from home, this afforded me the pleasure of avoiding many forms of human contact while I worked on my projects and on myself. In my free time I read books, watched series, and tried-out all sorts of culinary concoctions. Now, please don’t look at this time period as a sad one: it wasn’t at all. I took a step back from hoards of people and learned to love myself and to value my presence as being worthy of only a select few people. This was a period I look back on with great pride.
I met my now husband, and my rather small (somewhat non-existent) circle widened. Though my husband and I prefer the company of one another, we have several close couples (and way too many cousins) that we spend a lot of our free time with. These people are of quality, and they are on the level that I always chose to associate with: elegant, intelligent, caring, overflowing with good values, and share similar interests to us.
From the depths of my soul, I really respect people that have “a million friends”- I am constantly awed at how they find the time to balance their personal needs with the needs of their families, their significant others, their careers, and their endless circles of friends. Now, I know I am not, nor will never be, ‘that person’, but I really respect and somewhat envy those with so many others by their side, amazed at how they find and keep the companies of so many. I wonder, though, do they really, truly know these people? If so, do they have the kind of relationships with these people that I have with my very few, close-knit friends- the kind of forever friendships you build once-in-a-lifetime?
Mirroring life, quality over quantity is the key to true and lasting friendships for me. If all one-hundred of your friends are near and dear and can actually provide something beneficial to you in your life- then respect, right-on, and more power to you! If this is not the case, I recommend making sure that those close to your heart and close to your mind respect you, balance you, and can fill the right niche or space in your life, for at least the foreseeable future. The key to friendships is truth, and the key to truth is knowing who we are at the core. Friendships can be our saving grace in times of trouble, and when we are mired in the messes of life, so make sure yours, regardless of size, are true, deep and worthy of you.